Sharpe: Can we have your name please?

Man: David Sunseri.

Coyle: Dave, here in San Francisco, in cooperation with Dr. Arthur Laning-Jorris, who is an aeronautical scientist, a rod has been constructed at San Francisco International Airport. The idea of the rod is to train pilots to avoid birds that often get in their paths as the planes are taking off.

Man: Yeah I've heard about that. Jets usually, isn't it?

Sharpe: To get the picture graphically in your mind: Just picture a very large fishing rod over San Francisco International Airport, and then a line would drop down from the tip of the rod and where the hook would normally be on a fishing rod, this is where the person would be placed. The planes coming off the runway would fly up, suddenly, it would appear before them this person hanging from the rod, and they would have to try and avoid–

Man: So where do I come in?

Coyle: Uh, you would be the person attached to the rod.

Man: Attached to the rod?

Sharpe: Yes, that's right.

Man: Wh– Uh wh– I uh–

Sharpe: What's wrong?

Man: Well, it's–are you serious or what?

Sharpe: Yes, (Coyle: Yes, yes) definitely. We need a person to do this.

Man: Well, there must be an easier way than using a human being for a guinea pig.

Sharpe: You could flap your arms and swing slightly away from the plane. You'd be on the cable. You would have more of a chance, you wouldn't just be hanging there–

Man: Well, I–more of a chance?

Coyle: Please give this a chance. We need one person from the bay area. Give your life for aeronautical science! Make the decision today.

Man: Well, I've got a more important job to do. I'm uh–

Coyle: More important than thousands of lives? Let these pilots be trained.

Man: I think you've got the wrong person here.

Sharpe: We can put you up on the pole this afternoon. You can be hanging over San Francisco Airport.

Man: I think you've got the wrong person here.

Sharpe: Wouldn't you want to hang from a pole?

Coyle: I think we have the right person–You're a young person.

Man: You don't know by background though.

Sharpe: Can't you hang from a pole?

Coyle: What is your background?

Man: I'm a Roman Catholic seminarian. Now this would spoil the whole works.

Coyle: Why? Why couldn't a seminarian be attached to the pole? Tell me why!

Man: Well, because a seminarian has much more to do, much more than to--

Sharpe: We have had other seminarians attached to the pole. We had one rabbi hanging from the pole about two weeks ago.

Coyle: Be the second clerical personality to try this. Please.

Man: That's all right. I– I– How long is this– What's going on?

Coyle: What do you mean what is going on? We're offering you an opportunity for adventure, that's all.

Man: I've got to take a–

Coyle: And we give you a camera.

Sharpe: This is the camera. You take the picture of the jet heading right toward you and then later the film is sent to relatives.

Man: I think I'd better be going now. I'm afraid I'll have to leave now.

"Cart Procurement" was transcribed by Mark Peters from Coyle and Sharpe's new CD: Audio Visionaries-Street Pranks and Put-ons. Coyle and Sharpe's interviews were done with real people on the streets of San Francisco as part of a daily radio show in the early sixties.

Pub. Dec. 2001

DRC