I wanted you to read this when you were lonely and homesick because I wanted you to realize what today ment to me. To refresh your memory we tripped today and I was sitting up here in my room laughing and crying and getting so mixed up that I don't which came first or was the dominant feeling. Anywas since I'm still tripping (sort of) and writing my spelling must be excused--it makes sense now. I want to describe to you how I was feeling today. I was so sad all of a sudden and it made me realize how much sadness I still have left inside me and I was freaking because everything was so bizarr and nothing looked normal and there you were and your face kept contorting and I kept seeing snakes and all I would really let myself focus on were your eyes and all I felt secure about was your eyes. Somehow it was so emotional for me (I'm even tearing now) I felt like I could have gone off a cliff or peeled myself away for that matter but your eyes kept me there. Everything else went blank and all I kept was the one link with you that amazes me the most. I'm trying to communicate how I feel--you know it's important to say what you mean. I feel like anyone can match sexually--sex is sex + turtles do it--hell even Ellen could do it--but to connect with someone's mind--Now to me that is an amazing thing. Well I feel like it was that connection between you and I and only you and I that got me through that stretch. I have never loved you more and don't think that I could ever feel more certain of that love but at the same time I sit here and look at the "I LOVE SAM" written down the side of the cardboard on the notebook and remember thinking the same thing. For the very first time I put myself completely in your hands and let you look straight into me. And part of me is left to wonder if when you saw me you said you loved me and that I was beautiful because that was how you feel or because you were trying to get me out of a bad tripp. How can I even thank you for all of that? You have come through for me and I regret the fact that my instinct due to your y chromosome and my x chromosome and my mother has lead me to NOT be able to put myself totally into your hands and I regret that I had to be under the influence of LSD in order to do so but no matter what I am so glad that I have. You have become everything to me. You are part of my every thought and I have never felt happier about anything before. Sweetie I am going to go to sleep soon but I want you to know that I am amazed and impressed and proud

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May 2001