Yes, Bessie was the one he wanted to see now. Funny, he had not thought of her much last day and night. Too many exciting things had been happening. He had had no need to think of her. But now he had to forget and relax and he wanted to see her. She was always home on Sunday afternoons. He wanted to see her very badly; he felt that he would be stronger to go through tomorrow if he saw her. P. 123 Well I guess it doesn't hit home that much since he kills her later. This showed one kind of love and I do relate to how he was feeling--but only to an extent. But for me what I want to see you--be with you--is when those exciting things are going on because all I can really think is how much I want to share it with you. I think about you all the time. It's weird driving and putting my arm on the next seat and not having your hand there to hold or not being able to play with your hair. (Say hi to the critters) I want to kiss you more than anything. I wake up and check the answering machine still not used to you not calling and asking what's up for the day. David Remer calls a lot now but we argue about gay rights too much. I'M REMINDING YOU AGAIN THAT YOU BLOW MY MIND.

Now here's the deal. Visiting weekend Ann + I are driving up that Friday and we will find a place to camp or something. I will be there as soon as I am allowed. If you want to work something else out write or call. I am going to call you that Friday around 1:00 pm.

Oh--I forgot to tell you. Becky F. is pregnant with Ron B.'s baby. There was a big thing about it the other day. Ron is really worried because there are rumors that the mob is after him. I'm not sure what she's going to do. I don't think she knows yet. Her older sister had to quit McDonalds because she was getting harrassed too much. Pretty lucky it wasn't you huh?

Well I've been avoiding people for too long. Write me. I want to say something powerful + so moving it will make you cry. Liz suggested "If you were here... I'd hug you all day" but it doesn't work. Mostly because I wouldn't just hug you!!! Can you have food mailed to you? Am I allowed to call? What about other visiting days? What should we do when you get home? When can we get married? (Maybe when you finish college--I'll be in Med School) What about the name Wilder for a boy? Girl? What symester do you go to Chewonki? (I hope Spring)

I feel like this is it--you and me forever and it feels so good--like I've finally found a home. I hope you feel the same. It's hard enough with you away but I couldn't cope if I wasn't able to get mail + talk to you ad know that you love me just as much. I shouldn't say this because it is your final decision + you should do what feels right to you but please don't be with other people--sexually I mean. I'm selfish and for the first time I'm not willing to share. I know that you know I love you but the bigger the better.

Contents

May 2001