I don't think we can ever "break up." Our relationship isn't that simple. You and I have lost that rhythm we used to have. We were always right on track--well most of the time I thought. That's what we have to get back + I think it will come together when we are together. I think that's all we need. I wish you could hear the sincerity in my heart when I say I love you, or even just feel my fingers wrap around yours. I wish that this letter would make up for all the terrible things I have written + said. I want our wonderful relationship back--remember Nat (Eve's prom date?) well Elizabeth said that we were fighting a lot and expressed a concern that we night "break up" and he said "Oh no! not them." Like we were some role model couple, or like we were they ones who would be together forever. I don't need to tell you how great we are together or how much we have already gotten through. I don't want to do anything to lose you and I'm asking you now to please help me make this work. What do I always say? If you want something bad enough nothing is too difficult. Well I have never wanted anything or anyone more. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You have given me more than I have ever imagine and (I know I've said most of this before but stick with me.) the hardest part of this whole summer is having been surprised + moved by something (ex: something I've read or heard or a beautiful moon--anything) and not having you there to share it with. But I have gotten used to that and it will make being able to share it with you all the more special. Stick with me thorough this hard time--please. And if it's not asking too much--help me to become sane (if possible!). And I appologize for everything I have done--especially the way I talked to you today. I was hurt and upset and tried to make myself feel better by taking it out on you. It was not your fault--it wasn't anyone's fault. We both just want to have it all work out perfectly and are trying desperatley to figure a way to do it. As long as you still love me we will find a way to be together. Hey--how does Sept 15-19 sound? Or Sept 30- Oct 3 or Oct 7-11 I will be around all of those dates OR you could visit me. There's time for that though. This is starting to drag.

I am so sorry. I have been such a bitch. And I love you so much--too damned much but you know that don't you? Everything I have and more,

Contents

May 2001