Where's the beef?
In the basement

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
43

Does God exist?
People

How can world peace be achieved?
Globe

How can world hunger be eliminated?
Hot cakes and sausage

What do lobsters want?
Mustard

Why?
They eat hot dogs

Why don't animals use language?
They fart

Why do animals fart?
Because they poop in the woods

Why do people fart?
They stink

What do Dads do?
Fall down

What do Moms do?
Cry

What do children do?
Hit

What do grandparents do?
Run

What's a catastrophe?
24 catastrophes

What do heroes do?
Jump up in the air and go down

What do villains do?
See the Joker's Wild on Chan. 4 at 2:00 on Tues Aug 4th 1988

What does Jack Anthony do?
Had little pine cones

What did Beethoven do?
Spilled some mud on the dog's blanket

What did Babe Ruth do?
Hit

Where is heaven?
At home

Where is hell?
At the house

What do you hear?
Smoke alarm noises

What do you smell?
Moldy pumpkins

What do you see?
Newscenter 2

How do you feel?
Scared about the big pine cones at 1:42 a.m. tonight

What do big pine cones do?
Scare you and go away at 3:42 a.m. tonight

Who is the Pope?
Jesus Christ

When was Jesus born?
May 21st 1976

At what time?
At 8:05 p.m.

Where's China?
In London

Where's London?
In Houston

Where's Houston?
In Dallas

Where's Dallas?
Out

Where's out?
Outta here

What do turkeys think about?
Chickens

What do deer think about?
Peeing

What do geese think about?
Nancy Glass

What do rats think about?
Fixing it

Fixing what?
The radiator register

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Industrial hygienist

What does an industrial hygienist do?
Read newspapers

What's in your mouth?
Teeth

What else is in your mouth?
Gum

Where did you get the gum?
Under the table

How do you hit a home run?
By hitting 2 home runs

How do you hit 2 home runs?
You make 7 home runs

How do you make 7 home runs?
You get 10 home runs

Why does the sun set?
Because it is sad

Why does the sun rise?
Because it is sad

How many children will I have?
27

How many grandchildren will I have?
91

How many times will I get married?
20 times

Who will I marry?
Mommy

When will I get married?
In 2000

Where do babies come from?
Tacoma

Where do uncles come from?
Seattle

Where do aunts come from?
London

Where do Martians come from?
Barbour / Langley Productions Inc.

What's your price?
$39.00

Who invented bacon?
Carol Jasen invented bacon in 1970

Who invented religion?
Dan Rather invented religion in 1970

Who invented medicine?
Richard Dawson invented medicine in 1966

Who invented the alphabet?
Cheryl Tiegs invented the alphabet in 1969

Who invented philosophy?
Jan Sager invented philosophy in 1967

What did Shakespeare do?
He played Jeremiah was a Bullfrog in 1925

What did Mozart do?
Sang Monday Monday

What did Einstein do?
Played Monday Monday on the radio in 1982

What did Picasso do?
Drink red dye

What is red dye?
Bad

What is language?
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Where's the beef?
On HBO

What is hell?
Hurting kicking and boxing

What's in a name?
Juices

What's in the Bible?
The Greatest American Hero books are in the Bible on page 84

What's good to eat?
Pickles

What's bad to eat?
Green twinkies

What's a scandal?
To eat a man's feet

Who is the Buddha?
Ron Howard

When did time begin?
In 1976

Do you want more juice?
Unpredictable

What does unpredictable mean?
Not wanted

What isn't wanted?
Not locked

What isn't locked?
Opened the doors

What doors?
Locked up

How much is too much?
97

How little is too little?
19

Where did the universe come from?
The map

Which is better: toast or danish?
Toast

What is toast?
Burnt

Who is Plato?
A man

Who is Jesus?
Superman

What does God say?
Hi

What's the meaning of Christmas?
Bigger pine cones

What do you need?
Kiss and a squeeze

What is philosophy?
Falling down

How long will I live?
At home

Why is there war?
In heaven

What is heaven?
Waiting

How long will the world last?
92 minutes

92 MINUTES was written from 1993 through 2000 at Cradle Beach Camp in Angola, NY.

Contents

May 2001